• James Pesch

People Don't Trust You? Next Time, Use This!

Gain Trust Rapidly Using This


DISCLAIMER: **These rapport and bond-building techniques are extremely POWERFUL and INFLUENTIAL, when practicing and teaching, I always discuss ethics & stress the importance of first assessing, and then using that assessment to take priority in ensuring that the emotional and mental state of the person you are with is healthy. However, IF you choose to use these methods solely for personal gain, people will begin to distance themselves from you; don’t be an idiot, instead, use this skillset to help others and empower your own life.**

Introduction

Imagine walking into all future meetings, dates, classrooms, or emergencies equipped with a secret that would make you the most

  • Influential,

  • Confident, &

  • Persuasive

person in the room. . .


As you now begin to see yourself walking into situations with incredible power and control, you may notice how this unique gift will endow you with inexplicable favor and success; so, which area of your life would be the most significant if impacted positively? Which situations matter most?


Personally or professionally, which area will improve most once you learn and implement this in ALL future social interactions? Now, you can excitedly and with great focus, continue.


Here is a video on the science behind this technique


1: Mirroring & Matching


The most powerful and misunderstood skill that I have found in communication has got to be this technique:


Effectively evaluating and maintaining mutually agreed upon Body Language or as I refer to it and is also known, "mirroring."


Have you ever been confused by someone else’s body language? Has anyone ever said something, but you couldn't tell whether or not they meant the opposite or something else entirely? Have you ever known someone was being deceptive or did you get a gut feeling about someone’s body language?


Good!


This means you have some of the basic Emotional Intelligence that is necessary (but not sufficient) to begin practicing this new skill set.

Note: the mindset is more important than comprehensive knowledge of WHY this works.


Step 1: Observing Others, aka "People-Watching"


When most speak of observing the behavior of others, or "people-watching," most people have zero clue what an NLP practitioner, mentalist, magician, or hypnotist means when they say they "observe the behavior of others". This is an intensive and intentional practice and must be done from an outside perspective rather than an internal meta-model.


Okay, let's begin. Firstly, examine your audience closely, (this works best when you begin working with a single, captive voluntary audience.) As you pay attention, now, on sitting across from another human, imagine trying to comprehend not what the other person is thinking, but rather what they are feeling; not just the emotional state, but also which tactile sensations are they feeling throughout their central nervous system?


When we teach mirroring techniques, we teach our practitioners to try to feel what others feel by mirroring their body language markers, hand gestures, and linguistic style (Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and/or Auditory Digital.)

  • Posture — If they are leaned back and appear relaxed, so do you; likewise, if seated forward and more engaged in anticipation, mirror this posture

  • Eye Contact — Some people love it, some hate it, mirror whatever they prefer

  • Limbs — If they are crossing their arms, have hands in pockets, legs crossed, or fidgeting, mirror a similar mannerism as casually and naturally as possible.

  • Words — I can not stress this enough; use their words, EXACTLY. If they say they need to relieve “Anxiety,” then you use that word. If they state that they are looking for an affordable solution, then you find and deliver the most “AFFORDABLE,” solution you have, etc. don't attribute a definition to their words until they define them.

Step 2: Practice the Model


Below, is the Basic Model I follow when Mirroring & Matching others. I used this outline to teach a FREE Emotional Intelligence Seminar at Hardesty Public Library on September 1st, 2018, however, that is now a paid presentation.

  • Preframe Outcomes — Determine Ethical & Authentic Applications (using the PURE model)

  • Develop Sensory Acuity/Emotional Intelligence — Learning to Read Micro-Expressions

  • Study Your Subject — Noting Language Patterns, Body Language, Attitude, (+/-) etc.

Mirror & Match

  1. Language — Words, Gestures, & Movements (body language)

  2. Tonality — Intensity

  3. Pitch — Higher vs Lower Waves

  4. Cadence — Speed

  5. Timbre — Quality

  6. Posture — How the Body is Positioned

  7. Breathing: Pace, Location, Intensity

  8. Micro-Expressions — Eyebrows, Mouth, Eyes, & Unconscious “Tales”

  9. Personal Space — Distance between as dictated by physiology

  10. Physiology — The mannerisms associated with Emotional States

  11. Emotional State — A Meta Model of Reality

  12. *Cultural Generalizations, Assumptions, & Biases

*When we Mirror & Match someone elses Cultural or Regional Generalizations, we do not ADOPT their mindset; we EMBRACE their mindset and align with it in order to fully understand the subject or audience. In no way should you violate your own morality or ethical codes in order to develop rapport as this will be a violation of your internal meta model of who you are.


Conclusion


As you now begin to see yourself walking into situations with incredible power and control, you may notice how this unique gift will endow you with inexplicable favor and success; so, which area of your life would be the most significant if impacted positively? Which situations matter most?


If you or someone you love can benefit from emotional intelligence training, mental health, mindfulness, or sales training, please don't hesitate to reach out and remember to be your own hero.


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